During the 1980s, the concept of open adoption began to receive publicity. But we must be wary about what adoption agencies mean when they speak of “open adoption.’ Unless caution is exercised, this could become the new fraud — with adoption agencies using the words “open adoption” as a marketing technique to lure confused women. Without knowledgeable attorneys to guide them toward a fair and future-oriented legal contract, first mothers could again be deceived, much like their “sisters” of earlier decades when first mothers had no attorney, no one looking out for their interests, no contract at all, and no rights.
In the past, first mothers were not even given by the agency a copy of the surrender paper. With no rights at all, and their bodies used — like pieces of property — so that other adults could profit, perhaps first mothers came closer than any other segment of society in resembling the early slaves of this country.
In public discourse, adoption workers have been fond of speaking and writing the words — “she chose adoption” — but the listener or reader has not been given the true and complete account as to how this so-called “choosing” came about. The listener or reader has not been informed that frequently the agency somehow “forgot” to counsel and aid the first mother so that she could keep her child. Why? Because the prospective adoptive parents were somehow perceived as so much more worthy of the agency’s attention. Weren’t those fine people more worthy of the baby than the one who bore him?
Some of the adoption workers were themselves adoptive parents. Other workers simply belonged to the same social class as the potential adopters and the agency workers saw themselves as “like the adoptive parents.” Conversely, many agency workers perceived themselves as very different from the women whose “out-of-wedlock” pregnancies (and bulging bellies) were proof of their “moral transgressions.”
Society has changed and the unwed mother-to-be is generally not hidden away in a home for unwed mothers. The intense shame once associated with “illegitimacy” is gone. Enlightened parents are not likely to cry out, “You have disgraced our family!” Instead, some may actually embrace their new grandchild and give aid to the child’s mother.
Times have changed but infertility is on the rise. Adoption is a thriving business. New marketing techniques are needed. Thus, the concept of open adoption was born. In some (not all) cases, the first mother receives little more than crumbs. She still hurts.
Pregnant women considering adoption should be informed about open adoption! They must also be told: Open adoption agreements are not enforceable in many states!
In a perfect world, mothers would not be separated from their children. We also know that separation can occur in a number of ways: war, death, lack of resources, lack of safety, anti-immigration, etc. Loving, unselfish adults must be available to provide help to these children.
Too often, a mother is separated from her child due to lack of resources and lack of support from significant others. Too often, a vulnerable mother loses her baby so that an infertile couple can receive a baby.
Adoption is a thriving business.